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The following is an early draft of the opening of my upcoming game Little Burned Maiden - the Assassin Life-Sim about Murder and Self-Care. I also have attached a draft of the script of the entire game. I love feedback--both vitriol and polite--so don't be shy and get in-touch with your thoughts!
Please note - The formatting is currently maximized for easy transferal into my dialogue system which I programmed in C#. I apologize for some of the visual strangeness.
Edit: My game is NOW RELEASED!
BLACK
ON SCREEN
Nouveau Thuille 405 D.E.
FADE IN
EXT. NOUVEAU THUILLE, COURTHOUSE - MORNING TWILIGHT
Nouveau Thuille is snowy, cold-looking city, steeped in a purplish glow from the Abyss. Snow falls from the sky and smoke stack rise up from the factories. The streets smell of smoke, blood, and dirty money.
Just outside the ornate, stone Courthouse, ARLASAIRE awaits.
GIL walks in from left.
GIL
"Arlasaire, I confirmed barrels of poisonous gas around the outer perimeter of the Courthouse.",
"One of the other nobles is trying to take out everyone.",
"No one will talk to me during recess but... well, you're not the heir of a House...",
"Ask around. See what you can find.",
"You have until 1200."
ARLASAIRE
"!!!",
"W-wait... Gil!"
GIL
"Arls, don't strain your throat!",
"I'll be fine. And... well, don't tell my fiance but...",
"I love you too."
GIL returns inside.
The player gains control and freedom to talk to anyone or anything in any order. The movement controls fade in and the narrow-hallway-like level encourages you to walk left towards the Courthouse door.
There are three things to investigate outside: A fallen note, a poison barrel, and the sign in front of the Courthouse. All the non-dialogue poison barrels deal puffs of green damage to you, though it is not possible to die. The dialogue, which can be read in any order:
A FALLEN NOTE
"My darling Luce,",
"Don't come to Court today if you know what's good for you.",
"Otherwise, you'll get the belt, and then you won't be coming anywhere.",
"--Your loving father, Veltre."
LABEL ON A POISON BARREL
"By commission of the Sun King, long may he reign!",
"ARLASAIRE: (...There hasn't been a king or emperor for 400 years...?)"
COURTHOUSE D'SOLAIS
"For Thuille, the World"
Once everything is read, you can head inside.
INT. NOUVEAU THUILLE, COURTHOUSE - BEFORE NOON
Inside, VELTRE D'FEALTOIRE, SILVESTRE D'ARAMITZ, EINHARDE D'MAGNIA, GIL, and ISAURALA are met. There is a VETERAN'S INITIATIVE written up on the desk at the center of the courthouse. The dialogue, in no particular order:
GIL
"Have you eaten yet today?",
"If you haven't, I left some food out in our corner.",
"Make sure to eat. Otherwise, you'll actually die if you're critically injured."
EINHARDE
"Stand tall, soldier!",
"The head of every Noble House in Nouveau Thuille is here today.",
"And I will not have them say my ward doesn't stand up straight.",
"...And if you find out who did this, you will tell me immediately."
ISAURALA
"I hope we hurry and vote on this veteran's initiative..."
"Though it's strange that Lucienne isn't here...",
"Lord Veltre has been bringing her every day recently...",
"Almost like he's preparing for something."
SILVESTRE
"OH HO HO! If it isn't the dog of House d'Magnia!",
"The Burned Maiden of Thuille herself!",
"The war is brewing in the South! There are no Southerners for you to kill here!",
"Which means...",
"...You're on assassin duty today, aren't you, little devil?",
"ARLASAIRE: ...",
"OH HO HO HO!"
VELTRE
"Well, hello there, darling! Don't you look dashing today! Ahahaha!",
"Did you come to listen to my speech?",
"We have much to do in preparation for war with the South!",
"The Aftokratoria will not wait for us to attack them, surely!",
"Therefore, it is imperative the Houses are united. Don't you agree, darling?",
"Ahahaha!"
VETERAN'S INITIATIVE
"In preparation for the upcoming war, a 0.2% tax increase shall be levied on the people of Nouveau Thuille.",
"This money shall be put aside for any who become unable to fight during the war with the Aftokratoria...",
"Or for the widows and children left behind by deceased soldiers.",
"The final vote shall be cast today at noon."
FADE TO BLACK if the player has talked to everyone at least once OR if the clock strikes Noon.
INT. NOUVEAU THUILLE, COURTHOUSE - NOON
FADE IN
The camera focuses again, this time on Veltre who walks to the front of the Courthouse. The following dialogue is in order this time.
VELTRE
"My dear friends and countrymen... I had a dream.",
"And in this dream, I was standing atop a golden mountain...",
"Wearing the sun as a crown.",
"It was then, I realized... that I AM THE SUN KING!",
"AHAHAHA! I am the SUN KING, the Emperor of House d'Solais!",
"And I have returned to unite Nouveau Thuille!"
GIL
"He's insane..."
EINHARDE
"He's dead, is what he is."
VELTRE
"Bow before your Lord and Master! I am Riavh d'Solais returned!"
ISAURALA
"What?! No, you are NOT. I beg to differ!"
VELTRE
"Then BEG! Ahahaha! BOW BEFORE ME!"
SILVESTRE
"As if we would bow before a false Emperor! The dishonor!"
EINHARDE
"No one will bow before a silvertongued charlatan and his House of Whores, Lord Veltre."
ISAURALA
"Monarchies are merely a divine excuse for corruption and nepotism. The people don't need an Emperor!"
VELTRE
"Ahahaha! Then you can die, for all I care! Die for your sins!"
Poison starts pouring in to the edges of the room. Everyone begins to cough and collapse.
GIL
"Arlasaire, quick!"
The boss target is activated. Make sure to tell the player the attack button in case they don't already know. Killing him lets you jump to the boss arena.
VELTRE
"Ahahahaha!", "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!", ""
VELTRE is a fairly straight-forward boss -- He patrols a set-pattern of movement while poison appears in puddles behind him and he shoots at you.
Upon his defeat, he screams and explodes.
VELTRE
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!",
"FINE THEN! Turn on each other LIKE DOGS!",
"One day, when Thuille needs its heroes... They will not come.",
"They will TURN ON YOU, with knives and fire.",
"AND YOUR PATHETIC LIVES WILL HAVE MEANING NO MORE!",
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Fade to black
ON SCREEN
Nouveau Thuille 411 D.E.
Fade in.
INT. MANOR D'MAGNIA, BASEMENT - 6 AM
The Manor d'Magnia is a classy balance between austerity and wealth. The subtle, rich blues decorate the home.
On the wall hang the likenesses of all the Nobles of Nouveau Thuille. GIL and ARLASAIRE stand and stare at them.
GIL
"Arlasaire, I just received word that the Aftokratoria is extending its control beyond the continent now.",
"Without any of the usual pomp and circumstance... it looks grim.",
"We're outnumbered and outclassed.",
"Their weapons are simply better than ours. And there are more of them.",
"The only way we even stand a chance is if Nouveau Thuille poses a united front.",
"And seeing as the Emperor isn't coming back any time soon...",
"...we need to be the ones to do it.",
"While I can't be seen dirtying my hands, YOU can do whatever you'd like.",
"The heads of the other Houses won't like it but...",
"Send them a message, Arls. I'll be around, if you need anything."
TUTORIAL TEXT
Interact with a head on the wall in House d'Magnia's basement to select your target.
Hunt them down and kill them.
WARNING: If you assault them in the company of others, the other townsmen will come to their aid.
[INSERT THE ENTIRE GAME HERE]
The game ends with everyone agreeing to support House d'Magnia as the head of the war operations and then they're assaulted by the South.
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