To all the Dearest,
In light of the events of this letter, I want to remind everyone that consent is very important -- mandatory, even! -- and hurting or coercing people to do things is very bad. (And that is an understatement.)
With that in mind, this letter also has some uncomfortable implications and they might not be to everyone's taste. If you feel unsafe at any point, please stop reading and speak with someone you can trust :D
(Arlasaire) When we confronted the Crimson Prince, he wasn't in his chambers, but the click of his heeled shoes met us as we left. Closing in behind us. I moved in-between him and Astaroh. He moved like a wolf too hungry to be afraid.
Va: Well, if it isn't Lady d'Magnia, back again already... I was just looking for you.
I balked a little.
Ar: ...For me?
Va: Yes. I heard something very interesting... and while I believe I have my facts straight, I want to hear it from you directly...
He crowded me, tilting my chin up with his hand. Astaroh bristled. Those heels made him taller than me...
Va: Did you really kill Giluniques? Or are you a traitor too?
My heart dropped.
Ar: I don't--
Va: Whatever bullshit you're about to spout, you can stop.
As: Valeforr... where did you hear this?
Va: I am, in fact, our brother's Head Tactician, and I have plenty of sources on the matter. So tell me, O Burned Maiden of Nouveau Thuille: Did you really do your job? Did you kill Giluniques d'Magnia when he turned on the North?
Astaroh's gaze begged for me to say none of it was true.
Ar: This matter doesn't concern you, Crimson Prince. Especially not when you're conspiring to cover up Ymver's disappearance.
Va: Ah, look at her -- trying to be evasive and distracting! That's cute. I'm sure your "Giluniques" taught you that trick. He was always better at it, though. Shame about him... being a traitor.
I shoved him away from me. He barely moved. Normally, someone of his stature would be perfectly throwable. But Demons were unreadable -- their magic made them very hard to kill.
Va: I'm going to pretend like you didn't just assault me for asking a simple question.
My chest boiled. I had nothing. Nothing I could do... And Astaroh...
...She grabbed him and shoved him away from me.
As: You're in her face! What do you expect?! God, Valeforr...
He quickly feigned concern.
Va: Astaroh, stay back--
As: No, YOU stay back, asshole! You already tortured her enough for one day! You're always pushing and pushing and then you pretend like it wasn't your fault when people snap. This is why girls always break up with you -- because you won't just fucking STOP.
His face darkened.
Va: Oh. Well. Excuse ME for being concerned that Arlasaire would happily kill any of us -- as eagerly as she killed her Master.
As: You don't have proof--
Ar: Astaroh.
I swallowed. I didn't have anything else.
As: Y-yes?
Ar: ...I... I killed Gil.
Her face tore up the last shreds of my heart. I wouldn't be able to feel anything again after that.
Ar: ...I killed him because he... he turned on us at the Battle of Togen Oyer. And I... stopped him.
Astaroh lowered her fighting stance. Staring. Pleading. Pleading for it to be a lie. It wasn't. Now I'd broken her heart too. I wasn't Gil. And Gil wasn't Gil either. Gil wasn't anywhere, anymore.
As: ...I... It... I...
Ar: Stop. There's nothing you can say.
And she fell silent.
Her brother smirked.
Va: Well. That's all I wanted. Thanks.
He turned on his toes and started away. I grabbed his long fucking hair with my leather gloves -- if it was barbed like Gil's, it wouldn't even matter. But it wasn't. He whirled with a snarl but Astaroh caught him before he got to me. Grabbing his hands. A tail sprouting from her back to coil around his. My heart... I held my position. Barely.
Ar: You didn't answer the fucking question.
Va: Sorry, I don't answer to the milk maids of traitorous bastards.
As: Val, I swear to God--
Va: You don't even believe in a God!
I stood as tall as I could. As me. Alone.
Ar: Why did you hand the investigation to Gevyna?
He ignored me.
Va: Astaroh, talk to me.
As: Answer her!
Va: Astaroh, does the little human think I'm going to deign to answer her when she's trying to turn you on me? We're family.
She hissed. Put him on his back. Sat on his chest. Baring glistening fangs.
As: Do not. Pull that shit. You do not give a damn about me.
Va: Oh, Astaroh--
As: Answer the question!
Va: --can't you feel it? I do care about you.
Claws grew from her finger tips and she went to rake him over the face. He caught it as she released his wrist.
Va: Astaroh. Please.
As: Beg her for mercy, if you want it!
Ar: Tell me about Gevyna, damn it!
He didn't even look at me.
Va: Astaroh, do you know why Gil was such a well-respected man? Why people feared him when he even hinted at his displeasure?
As: ...Why?
Va: If you owed him, you would know. And if he threatened you, he would follow through.
I snapped.
Ar: You think I won't?!
Va: You can't. You can't touch me. Astaroh can't touch me. Not in any way that matters. And now that I have two sources that say Giluniques d'Magnia was a filthy traitor and plenty of sources talking about what a little bitch Arlasaire is. So I have plenty of reason to think she might be following her master, even though she SAYS she isn't.
As: Don't you--!
She screamed. His barbed tail dug into hers. Blood welled up. My hand went to my sheath.
Va: Mmmhmm... I'm still unclear what you think you're doing with your tail there...
She yelped as he twisted it. I flicked out the knife.
Ar: Stop.
As: Arlas... No!
I took a step. Astaroh gasped. Her black tail shuddering and red from the spines carving into it...
As: Arls, NO! Please!
Her voice stung with panic. Her crimson eyes desperate as she glanced back at me. My jaw set. He held her in place -- not the other way around. And I returned my blade to my side. Cursing.
I would never be enough as me.
Astaroh turned back to him and pressed her forehead to his.
As: Valeforr... Please... Tell us about Gevyna.
She closed her eyes. Pleading. Praying almost. I knew that face -- the face of a woman making herself small and kickable. It tricked stupid, powerful people into giving you what you wanted. I hated that face.
But he sighed and his grip loosened and he freed her tail as it burned away to ash -- the blood magic fading. He held her instead. Gently now. "Gently." My nose wrinkled as his hands slid over her soft form...
Va: You're lucky you're cute... Fine. I'll tell you.
She gasped in delight as he acquiesced. Eyes lighting up for him. I pretended not to see it happening. I told myself she was just keeping him pinned as she straddled his chest. As she leaned back and tossed her hair... It crawled under my skin anyway.
Va: I handed this whole investigation off to Gevyna at her request. You see... Now that we know the bitch's master betrayed the Northern Alliance, even though he's dead, who knows whose side she's on...?
He cast a scathing glance at me. She turns his face back to her.
As: But... B-but... what does this have to do with the investigation into Ymver?
Va: Because Ymver works for the Burned Maiden, dummy.
He knocked on her skull with a laugh. She smiled down at him nervously. Ears flicking.
As: So... so... Gevyna... she... took him?
Va: No, of course not.
Astaroh stiffened.
As: A... Are you lying to me?
He licked gleaming fangs and sat up to look her dead in the eyes.
Va: No, Astaroh. Of course not.
She shuddered. My hand stayed on my blade. If she turned on me--
As: ...He's lying, Arlasaire.
Va: What the f--?!
She grabbed his horns and thrust all her weight onto his head. It held him. For now. Her eyes met mine. The fear and anguish and regret gone. This was for me. The real me.
As: Run! Tell Enharr!
I hesitated a moment as he kicked his legs and flipped her. Red strings began to gather in his hands. I bolted. She'd be fine. I couldn't play the hero, even for her. And surely he wouldn't hurt her... Not... that much...
The image of her pleading with him burned into my mind. I'd make him "pay his debts" another way...
...Or maybe I wouldn't. Gil would have. But I couldn't be him anymore.